Secret Life: Fast Times At Grant High
by The Original Queen Of Swords
Summary: Ten years have passed since Amy, Ben, and Grace have graduated from Grant High. As the "Secret-Lifers" gather together for the 10th Anniversary "Class Of 2013 High School Reunion", many rethink the past and continue to look forward. How have their lives changed? How have they changed? What are their successes? Regrets? Most importantly: Do they still have secrets?
1. Prologue: Trapped

**Prologue: Trapped**

* * *

"**_Nobody believes me when I tell them that you're out of your mind. _**

**_Nobody believes me when I tell them that there's so much you hide. _**

**_You treat me like a queen when we go out, wanna show everyone what our love's about. _**

**_All wrapped up in me whenever there is a crowd, But when no ones around …"_**

Life was a bore for the 28-year-old mother of four. To outsiders she had everything a woman could dream of. So much so that she often felt selfish for even feeling bad about her life. She lived in a decent-sized condo with a seemingly-caring, loving, faithful husband who worked hard enough to buy and pay rent for the large condo in the Upper East Side and to keep all of them financially stable. She had beautiful sons and a seemingly fantastic relatonship etc. But deep down Adrian was empty, sad and eternally regretful about her life choices ...

Far from the "picture perfect" image she liked to display to the public, her marriage was in turmoil - filled with secrets, regrets, and lies. And as much as she didn't want to admit it, it was doomed long before it even began. It was a series of arguments, backstabs, and backhands. She wished so much that she could tell the world just what kind of man Omar Moore was. But instead she ushered out her frustration on the tread mill at the Public-Gym.

She had been trying to exercise off her body fat, since her last baby was born two years ago. Four pregnancies within a ten year span had never been good and kind to her once head-turning physique. Formally the "sexiest girl at Grant High" she was now a size nine and a mere shadow of her "glory days". Premature wrinkles had formed on her once young face, and her former radiant light brown skin no longer had its glow. She was so use to constantly hearing cat-calls and wolf-whistles as she walked down the street that when they stopped … she felt sort of empty inside.

She started running faster – staring across the room at a man she presumed to be about 5 years younger. He was tall – really tall – about six feet even _or more_. Always wearing nothing but a pair of navy blue shorts and white socks with Jordan Sneakers, with his muscular physique and gorgeous Mediterranean features – he looked like an Adonis, a god even. Though she thought it was cheesy, she often liken his shades to make him look at least like a movie star – at least she thought so. He was a regular at the gym even though she just _knew_ he didn't need to be there. Looking at him brought about a series of fantasies and unfulfilled sexual desires. Omar was almost never home - constantly away on _"business trips" _– and when he was home there was almost no time for any _"fun"_ due to the kids. Adrian loved her sons – she loved them dearly – but she also missed sex. The touching. The thrusting. The hair-grabbing. The panting. The moans. _The look of awe and surrender in man's eyes at that special moment. _She bitterly looked across the Gym at the attractive younger man – thinking of a time when she could have easily made him _hers_, if only for one night. Looking at how he easily lifted those weights, it made her think about him lifting her up and taking her into his warm embrace, and making love to her. Now … Now she be lucky if a man that attractive ever tossed a smile her way. Existing the Gym she smiled at him, hoping that he'd return the gesture, but it was a lost cause – surrounded by circle of blushing women she was sure he wouldn't. _"Mr. Adonis" _had equally gorgeous, younger women flushing around just to feel his pecks and grab his muscles. She was sure he was the type to take a few home with him as well. Not the kind of guy she needed anymore.

Omar used to have a body similar to _"Mr. Adonis"._ Omar now graying with male-patterned baldness was weirdly enough also a shadow of his former self. His muscular-physique and boyish looks fading, as he took packed on a few pounds – but never nearly as much as she had.

Omar had never been dynamite in bed. He was "old fashioned", she always guessed. They only had sex in the missionary position, always late at night, with the lights off. But it was "good enough" … she supposed. He was very reserved with her and at first she respected it – admired it even. But it soon got boring very fast – apparently for both of them. And after their third child was born they barely even had sex. She could count the last few times since then on her fingers. _Seven. _

She could hear the crying before she entered the door.

"_Mommy!"_

Curly black hair running towards her? She knew it was Tyler.

"Hi, baby", she said rocking him back and forth in her arms, after lifting him up.

"Mom, do you know what this means?" Leo stomped up to her.

She regretted that she hadn't spoken any Spanish to her older three kids. Leo, her oldest, was an 8-year-old 3rd-Grader. His eldest younger brother Travis – a 7-year-old 2nd-Grader, and her other son Junior – a Pre-Schooler, all spoke a few words and barely at that. Tyler was going to learn Spanish if it killed her. "You know what? Just give me a few minutes and I'll write it myself."

"That's cheating", Junior interrupted.

"No, it's _helping_, sweetheart", she responded, grinning at Junior.

"Oh, you're finally home", Omar said, almost grimacing at her as she walked past him.

"I was at the Gym", Adrian responded going up the stairs to put Tyler in his play-pin.

"Yeah, I'm sure that helped", Omar mumbled under his breath as Adrian reached the top of the stairs.

Taking off her clothes and stepping into the shower, Adrian felt soothed as the cold water touched her skin. Taking a swab of shampoo to thoroughly wash the sweat out of her hair - scrubbing hard hoping to get the smell out. Using dove's soap she carefully washed her face smoothing the creases of her skin.

There was some thought about whether or whether not to ask him for sex, but she knew it was a lost cause.

Getting out of the shower, she look took time to put moisturizer on her face. Taking a robe she swiftly walked into the master bedroom and discovered Omar was already there watching TV. They had separate beds and haven't slept in the same bed since Leo was born.

"I'm hungry! There's no food." Junior whined.

"_Aren't you going to cook?" _Omar said frowning. "The kids are hungry, for God's sakes! _You can cook food for yourself, but not for the kids?"_

"You were home for hours and you didn't make anything for them!" Adrian exclaimed, ignoring his insult, more concerned for the children. "I assumed you cooked!"

"_That's your job remember! _I work. I pay the bills. I relax. You take care of the house and the kids, remember?" Omar said easing himself on his bed and smiling at woman on the TV screen. "Gosh, you are so lazy."

"_Mommy, I'm hungry!"_ Junior cried.

"Omar, I do a lot around here. _I'm so sick of you acting like I do nothing_. I cook, I clean, I do the laundry -"

"_And that's what you're supposed to do_", he replied, almost insulted.

"I just want some time for myself!"

"Do you not want to be around your kids? Do you not love them?"

"Of course I love my kids, Omar! You know that more than anyone else!"

"Then you should be happy just taking caring of them! That's the deal we made! That's the deal we made before we had Leo! That you wouldn't go to school or work! That _I'd_ take care of _you_!"

"I wanted to go to school! I wanted to work! I told you I wanted to go to graduate Law School when we started dating! You're the one didn't want me doing any of that._ I stopped going to John-Jay because I loved you! _Not because that was our deal!" , Adrian scream confused. "Why can't I go back to school?"

Silence befell the room before Omar calmly stated, "_Why do you hate me so much?"_

"_Because you made it that way!", she screamed inside her head._

"Why do you hate me?", the words came out before she could think it over. "Huh? … Why do you hate me? What the did I ever do to you to deserve the way you treat me?"

Almost like lightening he was off the bed and before she knew it he had lunged at her - pressing her against the wall into submission. "_What did you do to deserve the way I treat you?_ _What about the way you treat me?_ You're the one that started this argument. I'm the one that puts a roof over your head. I pay for all that fucking jewelry you wear. I pay for all that name-brand clothes and bags you carry around. I pay for that fucking car you drive. I pay all the credit cards you max out. [Scoffs] You don't do shit for yourself! You should be fucking grateful. You should be down on your knees thanking me. I owe you nothing _\- absolutely nothing_! In fact, _I own you_. Now you're going to do whatever the fuck I say and whatever the fuck I want. _I'm the man in this relationship, not you_!" He said, holding her neck and staring her down. "Now don't make me hit you. I thought we stopped this foolishness years ago."

"_I'm going to fucking kill you!", _Leo yelled, with a voice that sounded like it was calling for blood.

"_Get the fuck off me, Leo!"_, Travis bellowed out. _"Mom!"_

Omar look at her with dead eyes, "Now go get _your_ kids."

**"****_There's no kindness in your eyes,_**

**_The way you look at me, it's just not right._**

**_I can tell whats going on this time, _**

**_Theres a stranger in my life _**

**_You're not the person that I once knew. _**

**_Are you scared to let them know it's you? _**

**_If they could only see you like I do, _**

**_Then they would see a stranger too …"_**

Adrian often thought she ate a lot to keep up with Omar's constant abuse. In front of open crowds Omar was the perfect husband – "the supreme gentleman". Behind closed doors, he was a complete nightmare. An arrogant man that liked to show off his power and prestige on the one person it didn't matter to. He thought because he worked, he not only owned the house but that he owned her. That she owed him constant loyalty, submission, and sex whenever he wanted. He even wanted her to love him. Sure she did spend a lot and after Omar won the money he quickly lost an overwhelming majority of it due to her co-dependence on him. But this couldn't explain his hatred of her.

And she couldn't tell anyone. Not only would no one – not even Cindy and Reuben – would believe her about Omar. At first they could never support Omar moving her to New York City nor Adrian's pregnancy with Leo which _coincidently_ began a bit before the move - when she didn't want to move to New York. Her loneliness may have been the motivation to move to New York, but her pregnancy with Leo was the only reason she stayed in the relationship in the first place. After meeting their first grandson, her parents fell in love with Omar all over again, when he showed he could provide everything they would need. At first, they didn't like that she didn't finish College, but hey …. Omar was _that_ good with words. Though they were divorced now, she knew if she did leave Omar, she would have no support from neither one of them. She hadn't even spoke to either of them in years, anyways.

She feared he would financially "cut her off" - worse yet he would cut her sons off. In Adrian's view, Omar never loved Leo, Travis, Junior, or baby Tyler. Not like how she did, anyhow. He loved them so long as they were leverage – objects he could hold over her to control her and make sure she couldn't leave him. She didn't have a College Degree so she couldn't get a decent job to work in New York to support her sons on her own. Heck, she couldn't even leave the house alone without Omar excessively calling her, or hovering down her throat about it and accusing her of cheating on him – much less to go to a job interview. Or even just to look one up on the internet or her phone without clearing the "search history". She would be breaking their _"deal"._

If she did leave, she was sure that Omar would use his father's position in the F.B.I. to make her life a living hell. Whenever she left him, he always able to track her exact locations and find her down to the state, city, and street address. He surely would make her pay forever for even _thinking_ about leaving him again.

**"****_Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you? _**

**_Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room? _**

**_You made yourself look perfect in every way, So when this goes down, I'm the one that will be blamed. _**

**_Your plan is working so you can just walk away, Baby your secret's safe."_**

Unlike Omar, she knew she wasn't perfect. She used to think all their fights were her solely her fault - for pushing Omar too hard, for not appreciating him, for undermining him in his own household, or even slapping him when she was angry at him. She use to feel sorry for Omar, due to his childhood – witnessing arguments and fights between his parents but having to stay together due to his parents' good reputation with others. She used to think she pushed Omar into being a man he never was. That her personality had pushed him too far.

As proof for this she'd look at Dante. Dante wasn't anything like his older brother. Dante was so much of the loving, kind man - that neither she nor Omar had never pegged him to be – to his all of his ex-girlfriends and his now-Finance, so much that sometimes looking at the brothers she would often wonder if she made the wrong choice. Sure, he wasn't the most faithful guy, but Dante would never even swat a fly. Dante, who knew of his brother's abuse of not only Adrian - but all of his women - would even call and check up on her to see if she was alright, every now and then. She knew in her heart that even if she had hit Dante, no matter the circumstances, he would've never struck her back like Omar use to, and continued to do even after she stopped. So, no she could never chalk it up to just that – to just his childhood. Dante was almost like the second coming of the Messiah, comparing to Omar who seemed all too much like the Anti-Christ. Omar, unlike his brother, but so much like his father, had invested in a certain image. An image he needed to hide who he really was. Adrian was the only one that could see beyond that image because she really knew "the man behind the mask".

**"****_Such a long way back, from this place that we are at. _**

**_When I think of all the time I've wasted, I could cry …_**

**_There's no kindness in your eyes,  
The way you look at me, it's just not right.  
I can tell whats going on this time,  
Theres a stranger in my life.  
You're not the person that I once knew.  
*Are you scared to let them know it's you?  
If they could only see you like I do,  
Then they would see a stranger too.."_**

She no longer believe his "I love yous" after they had followed verbal assault after verbal assault - even if the hitting had stopped. She wanted to leave but she couldn't leave. There was no way out of this relationship. _She was trapped._

* * *

**Song: "Stranger" By Hilary Duff**

* * *

**A/N:**

**** Adrian ate a lot after she and Ben lost Mercy. I honestly didn't remember that when I wrote this. I was just shooting off the top of my head.**

**** A College-Educated grown-man dating an emotionally-immature 17-year-old High School student who suffered through a stillbirth and who isn't even divorced yet is a _RED FLAG!_**

**** A grown-man "proposing" less than two months into a relationship with said-teenage Divorcee who is grieving both the loss of her stillborn and the demise of her past relationship - without a ring - just so she won't be with any other man ... and telling her that eventually she'll have to say "yes", is a _RED FLAG!_**

**** A man using his father's job to track the exact location and address of a teenage girl's parents, after he just dumped her and she insists she doesn't want a relationship and just want to focus on school is a definite _RED-FLAG!_**

**** A man being angry with a teen girl because a Pimp sexually harassed her is a another definite _RED-FLAG!_**

**** If any boy/man attempts to "trap" a girl/woman with an unplanned pregnancy - especially less than a year after she suffered a stillbirth and divorce - just so she would do what he wanted irrespective of her feelings on the topic of which they disagreed upon, that is a hugmonous _RED-FLAG!_**

**** Any man that keeps breaking-up with and with-drawling his affection/love from his on-off girlfriend so that he can later come back with full-control is another hugmonous _RED-FLAG!_**


	2. Chapter One: A Gift From God

_"Stories never really end ... even if the books like to pretend they do. Stories always go on. They don't end on the last page, any more than they begin on the first page." - Cornelia Funke_

* * *

**Chapter One: A Gift From God**

* * *

**_Origin _****_of the name Micah: _**_Derived from the Hebrew mīkhāyah (who is like God?) The name is borne in the Bible by several Old Testament characters, including an 8th-century B.C. prophet of Judah. His prophecies are found in the book of Micah._

**_Biblical Meaning: _**_  
The name Micah is a __Biblical baby name__. In Biblical the meaning of the name Micah is: __**Poor, humble.**_

**_Hebrew Meaning: _**_  
The name Micah is a __Hebrew baby name__. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Micah is: __**Who is like God? Gift from God.**_

**_SoulUrge Number: 1_**

_People with this name have a deep inner desire to use their abilities in leadership, and to have personal independence. They would rather focus on large, important issues, and delegate the details. _

**_Expression Number: 7_**

_People with this name are excellent at analyzing, understanding, and learning. They tend to be mystics, philosophers, scholars, and teachers. Because they live so much in the mind, they tend to be quiet and introspective, and are usually introverts. When presented with issues, they will see the larger picture. Their solitary thoughtfulness and analysis of people and world events may make them seem aloof, and sometimes even melancholy._

**_Micah – [Latin Meaning] Someone Familiar_**

* * *

It was a cold, windy, winter, Saturday night, when Ben took Micah – his _"favorite girl"_ – out in "Time Square". Ben, no longer the skinny teenager he once was, had stopped growing at 6' 6", and his weight seemed to have finally caught up with his height. He now kept his hair cut short, almost always with a Baseball cap covering it. He dressed mostly in casual clothing. After choosing to give up his lavish lifestyle, he was no longer a Multi-Millionaire, but a Journalist and an Author. Like his former-self, he'd never let a month go by without buying his girlfriend a beautiful gift – a bracelet, necklace, earrings or anything. He just loved showering her with anything he thought she would like. It was always more than welcomed, but Micah constantly and increasingly felt the need to tell him that she wasn't with him for money, or gifts, or prizes. _"You're my prize"_ was what she always said to him, and it was just what he needed to hear. The flashy things never mattered to her like it did to almost everyone else. She was refreshing.

Micah Sanchez, was a woman Ben met on an Italian College Campus, a few months into his courses there.

_"L_à_", Ben said, attempting to make conversation. "Bella giornata. Non è vero?"_

_"Sì, se ti piace nuvole." Micah looked at him a bit funny. "Siete di qui?"_

_"No. Come poteva dire?"_

_"Your accent. It's pretty American. I'm American, too." __Micah said smiling at Ben._

_"Wow. Small world." _

_Ben continued to stare rather love-struck at Micah._

_"Well ... Hi", Micah said smiling, bubbly. "My name is Micah." She extended her hand out towards his, but Ben just stood there, staring at her. "Well, I have to get to class."_

_"Wait", Ben blurted out. "My name is Ben. Benjamin Boykewich", he announced, extending his right hand to her left._

_"Nice to meet you, Ben", Micah said, grinning at him and shaking his hand. "Boykewich? That's an interesting name."_

_"Really? You never heard of that name?"_

_"It sounds familiar, but I don't know from where."_

_Ben looked upwards, dreamingly, and smiled._

He had gotten her cell-phone number and they had communicated almost every minute of everyday like infatuated teenagers - not only through phone-calls, but through Social-Media outlets Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook and even Skype. They had spent countless nights staying up talking to each other about their lives and what directions they wanted it to go in. Micah had a major in Medicine, with Ben having a double-major in Art and Journalism. Usually he was always begging for her to spend more time with him, which she often did – opting to listen to music in-doors, go the movie-theaters, even restaurants, and when he was just desperate to be with her they'd even go shopping - quickly became a close-friend that he was often never seen without. He often would brag to his male dorm-mates about her whenever he could. Her soft voice. Her witty, sarcastic yet delicate humor. The beautiful words she used. The kind manner in which she treated him. Her flirtatiousness. While he occasionally did hook-up with other girls while drunk or "high" on drugs, something he often tried to hide from her for fear her opinion of him might falter, he never did sleep with Micah. He didn't want to ruin his friendship with Mica the same exact way he felt his friendship with Adrian was ruined. In a way she was kind of like Adrian, which was often brought up whenever he introduced her to people that knew him from California.

_"Hi, Chloe. Ben has told me so much about you", Micah said throwing her arms around the younger girl. Sensing her hesitance she added, "It's me, Mica. We've talked on Skype."_

_"No, I remember you", Chloe said, hugging her back._

_Taking her bags in, Chloe then looked at Ben and commented, "Familiar, eh, Ben."_

_"Shut up", Ben responded grimacing at her._

Micah had her Italian mother's hair and skin color, but her Puerto Rican father's features and curly hair. Though their physical appearances were somewhat similar, he saw them as almost two entirely different people. Both he and "Mickey" – as he often called her – had Italian mothers that had died, ironically enough. Mica was as soft spoken and shy as Ben, though whenever he was unable to do it, Micah would stand up for him with passion and fire like Adrian had done in the hallway that day. Micah was highly intelligent, and multilingual, but Micah was not self-interested. Her appearance mattered to her, but it wasn't everything. Micah had had more than a truck-load of fan-boys but Micah never let it go to her head. Sex and sexuality were important to Micah, but it was never a coping mechanism for her, it was in and of itself an art-form. Micah had a humanitarian's spirit and wanted to help others. Her intelligence was never used in any way but for positivity. He never felt this constant need to protect her. She liked to think she protected him, and he let her think that. With Adrian, he always felt like he had to tend to her wounds before his own. With Micah, she was stronger, bolder, and didn't want to rely on him anymore than Ben himself would want to rely on any other individual. Like himself, Mica was somewhat of an introvert but had a never-ending list of acquaintances and friends. But, unlike Adrian, she never treated him any less than any of her other friends. Micah throughout the years had continued to be "the light of his life" after his father had died, and the prime source of his happiness during his dark times.

* * *

As the years went by, he and Micah's relationship gradually became romantic.

_"I'm have to tell you something. Now what I have to tell you is pretty serious and I understand if don't ... but I ... I ..."_

_"Ben, what is it?" Micah was somewhat frightened by the seriousness of his tone._

_"I love you." Sensing Micah's surprise by the shock on her face, Ben felt he needed to explain himself. "I've only said this to like two people before, and even then I don't think I really knew what the meaning of what I felt until a few years ago, with one individual. But I'm getting off tropic. I've never in my entire life - I mean no one has ever made me feel the way I am when I'm with you. And I just - I really admire you. I mean you're so loving and kind and - "_

_Covering Ben's lips to quiet him, Micah replied, "I love you too." Taking Ben's face in her hands, she kissed him passionately._

* * *

After graduating College together they travelled to various countries and city-states all over the world together - often taking pictures and posting them to Social-Media to share with close-friends and others. Ben bounced between different cities, due promotion of Ben's books, and his pursuit of screen-writing and various acting roles. Neither was happy about the constant moving, then. Ben and Micah decided to settle down where they thought they'd be happiest - New York City. The move to New York was a logical one. Brooklyn was a place that held a special place in both their hearts, due to it not only being where Sarah and Leo were born, met, and grew up - but it was also Micah's birthplace.

To Micah, Ben wasn't _"The Sausage Prince"_, he was _her_ King. And like all the love-interests he had had before her, he treated her like a Queen. She often tried to talk to him about having future "princes" and "princesses", in the near-future, but Ben would instantly become nervous, quiet, and withdrawn – ending the subject-matter before the much needed conversation could begin.

* * *

In the midst of the winter night with electricity surrounding them, in Time-Square, Ben looked at Micah dazzled. "I don't know how I got so lucky … to be with you", Ben said beaming with delight, stroking her long dark-brown hair.

"The same way that I'm lucky to be with you", she said, staring back – meeting his green eyes with her hazels. "You're the guy that I've always wanted. You're like a dream come true."

"Not to everyone", Ben frowned, diverting his eyes from her, focusing on a medium-size pebble he moved with one of his sneakers. "You're a lot different from every other girl I've talked to, Mickey. But I guess that's why I love you so much."

"Well, that's because I'm a _woman_, Ben … And I'm not any different from any other woman. I bleed red", Micah giggled. "You just needed to meet someone that's like-minded. You just needed to meet someone that shares the same values as you do. Someone that wants the best for others as much as you. Someone that wants the best for you, for a change. I guess, someone that wanted to heal you for change."

"An honest – even if slightly disturbing – slip", Ben responded. "You've definitely healed me, though _… in so much more ways than one!_"

"See, that's what I love about you. You could always make me laugh, Ben." She paused before reaching up to kiss him on the forehead. "We healed each other."

"Yeah, we did. Mickey, I was so damaged and empty before I met you. _Now look at me!_", he said holding her hand tighter.

"You were never damaged. Just broken. In some ways, we all are."

"Well you … with these magic little fingers of yours, you fixed me and brought me back to life", Ben stated grinning, holding her hands in his, and kissing each finger.

Standing adjacent towards him, she gently disconnected her hands from his. "I never 'fixed' you, Ben."

"What do you mean? You're the one that encouraged me to go to Rehab. I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for you. You're the one that talked me into it, forced me to go, drove me there every single day and –"

"Yeah but the point is you went to Rehab, on your own, because you wanted to 'fix' yourself. You stayed there because you wanted to get the help you needed. Even though it was tough, you repaired your own honor, your own dignity, your own humanity, through hard mental-work, emotional clarity, and dedication. That was your own doing. That's the thing most people never understand. Only we can save ourselves from ourselves. You never realized it, but you've helped me as much as I've helped you. But it was each us, individually, that turned everything around for ourselves. I never talked about it but when I first met you I thought all these negative things about myself. That I was never worthy of my father's love – that I was the reason my mother died. You know, she died because I lived? That I always messed things up for everyone else. But with the love you gave me I was able to realize that not every bad thing that happened to me or my family was all my fault. That I didn't deserve my father's cruelty. You opened me up to the possibility that our loved-ones maybe really are watching over us, and that my mother was probably always with me. Accepting your love helped me to finally accept the love my father had been trying to give all these years, underneath it all, even though I had convinced myself I didn't want it."

"I don't mean to ruin this beautiful moment with profanity but how the hell did I make you realize all of that?" Ben asked genuinely bewildered.

"You were the one person in my life that never treated me like my whole entire life was a mistake. You loved me for me. You treated me like I was everything."

Ben nods, humbly, rubbing her left cheek with his right hand. "_You are my everything._"

"Sometimes I used to think that I deserved to die and she deserved to live. That everyone was better off without me."

"I use to have the same thought process." Ben looked down, diverting his eyes from her once more. "I use to think that everyone would be so much better off without me. My dad … and Adrian."

Micah rubbed his back gently, "Ben, it's like she said. She didn't love you in the way you loved her. But she loved you. You were never just nothing to her. Omar was the one that ended your friendship, not Adrian."

"She was 'in love' with him enough to listen to him, and that crap he said. She never loved me enough … to do anything, really. Not enough to stay married to me. Not enough to not to sleep with Henry. Not enough to … Not enough to not marry that-that … _jerk_. But if I hadn't left her maybe –"

"Ben you can't say that you guys would still be together, if you never left the condo you guys shared. She made her decision based on feelings she had for Ricky at the time! _She was in love with him._ And when you told her you were in love with her, she said she was in love with Omar! It's just the way life goes sometimes." Ben continues looking silently at the sky – almost at nothing in particular – just the stars. "Ben I'm here for you, now. _I love you._" She said tilting his head to look at her. "I love you with all my heart. Even if no one else cared about you, I still would. And I always will. You're someone worth caring about."

"I love you, too, Mickey", He said looking into her eyes.

"Besides, if Adrian had wanted you back, we wouldn't've started dating."

"It's not that I'm still in love with her like I'm in love with you. It's just that … It's that she was the first girl I ever slept with, she was the first girl I ever lived with, we got married, we have a daughter together that we buried together, she was the first girl I ever _really_ loved …etc. And I don't know, it still hurts me that she never made me feel like she ever really cared about me or my feelings. _Like ever._"

"I know."

"I think in a way, I'll always love her", he said once again, looking at the stars, as Micah for once was speechless. "She'll always mean _something_ to me … even if I wish I didn't care about her at all, anymore." He paused looking out in the distance, before turning and looking at her. "But I'm with you now. And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you're 2nd-Best to someone that I don't even think ever thinks of me anymore, much more still cares about me. I won't ever make that mistake again. I care about you too much to. You know that, right?"

"Honey, I know you care about me. You don't have to say it. I know that you're still upset about a few things and I'm always here to listen. Honestly, it would disturb me, more, if you didn't feel anything."

"_She really doesn't care about me_", Ben blurted out. "She hasn't contacted me in years. She's happy, content and perfectly fine with someone that doesn't respect her choices, her friendships and … even just her. I respect women – definitely now more than ever before. I've grown up even if she refuses to do so. She can be with him for all I care. Besides she has four children now … and she probably feels like she has to be with him for them, you know? I respect that, at least. She was always that kind of person … a good mom, a wonderful mom … I always knew she would be –"

"You're doing it, again", she said with an under-hint of annoyance. "I'm here. I can hear all of this. You're not talking in your head."

"Mickey, I'm sorry. This isn't going the way I planned", Ben stumbled, rubbing his neck and tried to find the right words to respond with. Rambling about an ex-wife wasn't quite the romance he was aiming for. "She doesn't want to be with me, I've grown to accept it, and I've moved on." He couldn't gauge what she was thinking from the almost blank emotion on her face. "Hey … why don't we go back to our room and I'll show you just how much I love you and how much I adore you", he enquired, holding her hips – pushing her closer towards himself – running his hands through her hair.

"Baby, I have another idea. Why don't we just go to Olive-Greens instead? Or even Red-Lobster?" she asked, seeming even more excited about the idea of dinner instead.

"Cool. My two favorite things to do", he grinned. "So we eat out now … and _I'll_ 'eat out' later", he said grabbing her from behind and kissing her softly on the neck.

"_Clever, Ben_", she said, chuckling.

* * *

**A/N: **

**** Micah is a character Ben met in 5B in the original show, of which mutual physical-attraction between the two was shown. Micah seemed to have really liked Ben, as a person as well.**

**** Leo said he always thought Ben would eventually end up in Europe.**

**** In a 5B conversation with his adopted-sister Chloe, Ben has sated that he always was interested in "the arts", and pursuing a career related to the arts.**

**** There was a lot of foreshadoment of Leo's death.**

**** There was a lot of foreshadowing - since season three - that Ben would become an alcoholic and drug-user.**

**** Ben stated in 5B that he wanted to travel all over the world.**


	3. Chapter Two: Three Strikes, You

**Chapter Two: Three Strikes, You're Out**

* * *

**A/N: I know that a majority of you reading probably might not like this chapter. But it's a harsh reality that often happens with boys and men that are faced with the life-struggles of that the character here dealt with unfortunately. I hope you guys understand that. This again isn't a character-bashing (as I find that in poor taste and really childish), but realism. I just don't believe a girlfriend/fiancée/wife is the key to solving all of life's problems for male Child Sex Abuse &amp; Domestic Violence Survivors. I hope that I did good enough here, and everyone will agree that it is at the very least good story-telling - even if you strongly disagree with the way this story is going.**

* * *

His palms were running sweaty, and his hands shaking, as the young man dialed the phone number he was so familiar with. It was his only phone call, and he had no one else to go to.

"Hey, is this Ken Fields?"

"I'm closing. I'm not taking any more appointments for the day", Dr. Fields responded putting his laptop in a briefcase hesitating to shut off the lights.

"I'm not calling about any appointments", Ricky said, his nervousness becoming more obvious to Dr. Fields. "I just need to talk to you."

"_Ricky?_"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Ricky, how are you? Are you OK?"

"_No, I'm not_", Ricky said, biting his closed fist, shaking with fear. "_I'm not fine! I'm not OK!_"

"Now tell me about your problem … This time."

"I got arrested", Ricky announced. "I'm in Prison."

"_Arrested?_"

"Yeah, again." His voice was tame and his demeanor make to normal when he continued, "This time for Armed-Robbery."

"_Armed-Robbery?_ Ricky what happened to what we talked about?"

"Well that's the thing. I didn't do anything."

"Oh, so you didn't do anything _this time_?"

"Exactly."

"Ricky, why didn't you call your Parole Officer? Why me?"

"I was just wondering if you had any bail money."

"_Ricky_", Dr. Fields said, rubbing his face.

"You told me a few years ago that I was like your own son. That I could call you anytime and ask for anything and you'd be there."

"Yeah, like advice, not bail-money". Dr. Fields shook his head. "How much is it?" There was a pause. "_Ricky?_"

"Twenty-Thousand Dollars", Ricky answered reluctantly.

"Twenty-Thousand Dollars!" Dr. Fields lowered his voice. "Ricky you are a man now. You're not a boy anymore. You've committed a serious crime. This is your third, and it's time that you not rely on me or anyone else to get you out of your self-created problems. You have to do the time."

"That's it. 'Doing the time' means life in prison. _Three strikes!_"

"Ricky, I really wish I could help you, but I don't have $20,000 at the moment."

"Yeah, right", Ricky hung up, slamming the phone down.

He thought of several other people he could contact at some point in the future. But it was all as well. He couldn't possibly call them. Not after everything. He couldn't deal with the embarrassment of having to beg for a hand-out. Especially not for this. Not at this point. Not after everything.

He and Jack haven't talked in years. After he attended his wedding to Madison, he never really heard from him again. They were never really that close after that first year at College anyways.

He and Ben were never really friends. Even though Amy had rekindled her relationship with Ben some years ago in which Ben had tried to be civil with him, he knew it was just for John's sake.

"_Ben are you OK", Ben approach the table where Ben was talking with Adrian and Chloe. Teary-eyed, his head was resting on Adrian's shoulder and she was gently rubbing his back. Even for this occasion, Ricky remembered thinking it was just a little inappropriate._

"_Oh, I'm f-fine! M-My mother is dead … My daughter is … dead … My f-father is d-dead … But, Ah-I'm just peachy", Ben sarcastically snapped at Ricky, slurring his words in a drunken haze._

"_Ben I just asked a question", Ricky replied._

"_First you steal my wife … then my … my-my father … No questions from you!" _

_Adrian let out a sigh, a bit embarrassed by his last statement. Ben's family had flown in from New York, Sicily, Czech Republic and Israel. Even though she and Ben were divorced now, and she was marrying Omar, she didn't like it being tossed around as to exactly the reason why. Besides she was over Ricky, and to any friends and family it looked like she was head-over-heals in love with Omar._

"_Ben, what are talking about?"_

"_Just stay away from me", Ben exclaimed, jumping off his chair, looking at him coldly, before drunkenly falling back down._

"_Why don't you go home", Adrian asked Ricky, pulling him away from where the grieving boy was sitting. _

_Ricky smirked uncomfortably, remembering Amy's phone call regarding Adrian and Omar's good news, "Congrads."_

_Adrian at her stomach, of which she was not showing, and smiled. "Thanks."_

"_To you and Omar?"_

"_Yes, me and Omar", Adrian replied, insulted. _

"_You looked pretty comfortable with Ben over there", Ricky said, smirking._

"_His dad just died", Adrian replied with an aggressive undertone. _

"_Sure that's all it is", Ricky said, remembering Amy's discomfort at Ben's close-friendship with Adrian._

_Ignoring his last statement and continuing onward, she added, "Speaking of which I don't think you're helping. Again, I think you should leave." _

"_I didn't do anything", Ricky defended himself._

"_Ben is really upset and I don't think your presence is making it any better."_

"_My presence", Ricky exclaimed, baffled. "I'm here to pay respects to a man that was like a third father to me."_

"_Well, this is the only dad Ben has ever known … And Ben always felt like you were the son he father always wanted. Like he wasn't good enough." _

"_That's not my fault", Ricky shrugged his shoulders, rolling his eyes._

"_Ricky the funeral is over", she said walking over towards Ben. "Look I'm going to go try to calm him down", Adrian said as she tried to get Ben to stand up on his own, before the two walked off towards an empty room._

When Ben ended his relationship with Amy he also ended his contact with Ricky. Besides, the fact that Ben blamed him for the strain on his relationship with Leo, he knew Ben was completely revolted by him as a result of an event a few years ago. He couldn't turn to Ben. Not now. Not ever, again.

He eyes dropped low.

Amy.

He knew he couldn't call her. He knew he could never ask for her help. She out of all people had every right to scorn him, to resent him, to hate him.

"_Ricky, what's going on here", Amy said, rushing in the interrogation room filled with concern. She had got on the first plane she could from New York after she heard John was hurt._

_He looked into her eyes, with his tear-drenched from regret, pain, and humiliation. And he couldn't tell her._

"_Did Clementine hurt John?" _

_Ricky shook his head, silently._

"_Ricky tell me what's going on", her vocal pitch raised and she sounded more serious. "Ricky, did you hurt John?"_

_He just looked up at her with tears streaming down his face and said nothing._

_"You broke John's hand?" Hysterical she reached out and slapped him across his face. "You fucking piece of shit! I knew I shouldn't have left him here with you! You promised me nothing bad would happen to him! You promised!"_

_Ricky was motionless. He didn't respond. He couldn't respond. How could he respond when he knew she was right?_

"_I'm filing for full custody! You hear me", asked before slapping him again, before the Police took her away into another room. But she didn't clam down. She wouldn't. "You will never see John again! I swear to God you won't!"_

Tears began streaming down Ricky's face.

"_Hey, Ricky", said a terrifyingly familiar voice._

_Immediately Ricky shot up. "Get the fuck away from me you sick bastard!"_

"_Or what? You're going to break my arm?" Bob chuckled that same evil sound that haunted all of Ricky's nightmares as a small child._

"_Guards? Guards!" Ricky tried calling for help._

"_You're foster-brother … Ethan. He told me where to find you", Bob smirked. "Anything for one of Ricky's old friends", Bob posed with his hands spread apart._

"_Guards, get this fucker away from me", Ricky shouted._

"_No use, Ricky. No one listens to prisoners", Bob biting into a toothpick. Ricky started grabbing at his hair. "What's the matter Ricky? Can't take what you dish out?"_

_Before Bob knew it a chair smashed across the glass separating them._

_Four officers same to take Ricky away, as he screamed and tried to fight them off._

_Satisfied with his son's unravelling, Bob laughed before leaving the Prison. _

Ricky's mind went back to his son.

"_Daddy, I don't want to live with Amy. I want to stay with you and Mommy", a four-year-old John said as Ricky packed his suitcase._

"_The Judge says you can't live with me."_

"_Can I visit?"_

"_No, not anymore. You have to live with Amy now."_

"_All the time?"_

"_Yes, all the time", Ricky responded, heartbroken. "He says you have to go live with Amy. And Amy is going to take you to Grandpa George's house, where Grandma Kathleen and Uncle Tom and Uncle Jacob are."_

"_I don't care what the Judge says", John pouted. _

"_John, Amy is your mother", Ricky said placing his arms on his son's shoulders._

"_No, she isn't", John yelled. _

_Clementine bent down before the young boy, "Amy is your mother and she loves you very much."_

"_No she doesn't", John yelled, holding unto Clementine, staring at Amy as if she was a potentially dangerous stranger and not his own mother. _

_His behavior became so erratic that Clementine had to take him into another room in an attempt to calm him down._

_Amy was a bit taken back by this. She looked down at the young boy guilt-stricken. She had spent more time at Ben's Condo, and chasing Ben around Hudson University then she had with her own son in the past year. _

"_You see what going to College in New York to be with Ben did", Ricky rhetorically asked, grimacing, reading her like a book._

"_It doesn't matter", Amy said, looking away. "Ben and I have broken up."_

_Ricky looked up at Amy confused. "What happened?"_

"_Adrian."_

"_Ben's back with Adrian?"_

_Amy sighed. "He accused me of cheating on him and just being there for the money."_

"_You didn't really cheat on him", a confused Ricky said more of as a question than a statement._

_Amy looked away. "I guess I just got so caught up in the College life that I hurt so many people. I didn't plan on cheating on Ben. It just happened … and then it happened again … and again … and again … and again. _

_Ricky shook his head. _

"_I guess I just liked having all that freedom in New York, and all the attention from guys went to my head", Amy sighed. "If I could take it all back, I would."_

"_I'm guessing he didn't take it too well."_

"_He didn't. He got tired of it. Of hearing about it. Of questioning me and me lying to him. And then he came in and caught me with …", Amy held her head as she started to cry. "He said … He said … He said I was a 'Gold-Digging Slut'. He called me a 'Bitch' and told me to 'get out'! So I've been living with my Mom for the past few months", she sobbed. She held her head back up before continuing, "He said he should have listened to Adrian when she said to get over me. He told me he really loved her and he wanted to be with her. That the only reason he told me he loved me was because he knew he couldn't have her back - Adrian. That he regretted being stuck on a 'Bitch' like me, and if not they'd still be together. That he was lying about still loving me, after we moved to New York. That the only reason he ever stayed with me was because I was pregnant with John, and he knew I needed him. He told me they kissed, and he was going to fight for them to be together instead of just being passive with Omar … She was supposed to be my friend." Her sobbing became wails. "He said he thought I was only after the money. And that's why I moved in with him in New York in the first place, so I could get the money from his dad to attend Hudson, along with a place to live."_

"_Is that why", Ricky asked, knowing the answer._

"_If I say 'yes', that really does make me a bad person, now doesn't it?" She stopped sobbing and wiped her face with a tissue._

"_Amy, we both knew you weren't 'madly in love' with Ben", Ricky said. "I knew you really wanted to go to that College, but was breaking Ben's heart really worth it?"_

"_Are you listening to me? Ben told me he never loved me", Amy shook her head, disappointed. "Ben and I are better apart. We aren't good together. We both know that now."_

"_Like you and I are", Ricky stated, sitting back in his chair._

"_You never hit John when I was around", Amy responded._

"_Amy, I was under a lot of stress. I had no one to help me save for Clementine occasionally", Ricky responded, ashamed. "Sometimes I would just get really angry … John, John, he's forgiven me. Why can't you? He isn't afraid of me, anymore."_

"_That doesn't make it alright", Amy replied. "I'm more angry at myself than I ever can be at you, right now."_

"_Don't be", Ricky said, wanting to take back all his angry words he had said during their arguments. He looked towards the door before looking back at her. "Well you got your wish. You have full custody", Ricky sighed._

"_I've been able to calm him down", Clementine whispered, re-entering the area._

"_John, I just want to say that no matter what happens in life, I just want you to know that 'Daddy, loves you'. Daddy will always love you."_

"_I love you too, Daddy."_

"_I'm sorry for anything bad I did to you! John, I mean it from the bottom of my heart!"_

"_I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done too, daddy."_

"_You don't have to apologize. You-You did nothing wrong. I was the bad one", Ricky said crying, holding his only son and knowing it was the last time they would be together in the same room._

_Ricky smiled, as John waved goodbye as he was being carried away by Amy as Grace's half-brother carried his luggage. _

_George, completely red in the face, just shook his head at Ricky._

_And with that, John was gone. In Amy's arms. Gone forever._

"_I guess I am like my father after all", Ricky said with tears flowing down his face to a comforting Clementine._

"_You're nothing like Bob", Clementine responded._

"_Look at all of what I've done. Look at where I am. Of course I'm like Bob", Ricky said, dismayed._

His life had fallen completely apart without John, in almost every way one could conceive of.

He still had Clementine and they had a boy named "Nathan" and a girl named "Amanda", but still, depression over hurting and losing John had forced him to drop out of College, and succumbing him to similar substance abuse problems his parents had, had. He spent less and less time at home and he barely saw Clementine, Nathan and Amanda in recent years. Spending all the money he had had on drugs and trading most of his items for them, he had turned to crime for a new source to support his habit. But hanging with the wrong crowd of individuals usually brings only trouble as Ricky Underwood would soon find out.

Ricky had one last person he thought would help him. Someone that had always been there for him and despite his mistakes and the mess he was now mixed in she was someone he knew wouldn't judge him. She was someone he knew would always be there for him.

"_Adrian_", Ricky whispered.

* * *

***** This chapter came to my mind after watching a season five episode two years ago when Chloe talks about her step-father who never "slapped her mother around" but "slapped her around" (similar to Ricky's words in "That's Enough Of That" about Bob) and made her excuses about her bruises/injuries by lying and saying that she was being bullied by the other students. She said of her step-father that he was "a punk who wouldn't touch an adult but took his frustrations out on children". In the very next scene Ricky - taking care of John alone while Amy is away - tells Nora that John got in a fight with another student. It was just too ... _eerie_ for me to ignore. [****It made me think of scenes where Ricky was close to losing his temper with Adrian ("I Got You, Babe") and Amy ("4-1-1"), and thankfully choose better routes.] It felt l****ike a disturbing foreshadowing of what was to come in later seasons had the show continued.**

***** No disrespect intended to Amy/Ricky shippers, the show seemed to want to make examples out of Ben and Adrian, but never showed consequences of teen pregnancy for Amy and Ricky. I just wanted to show what may realistically happen with the three after Amy selfishly took off to New York (and most likely got back together with Ben because there was no other way she could afford to go to that school and afford to have a place to live near-by that John could visit as the College had some kind of policy about children) the night before her wedding (after doing everything for two seasons to get Ricky to marry her, even proposing to him in the third season) and left John with Ricky. No disrespect to Amy/Ben shippers, but I always didn't believe that Amy ever _genuinely_ loved Ben, but was using him and the later seasons just confirmed that.**


	4. Chapter Three: Unfaithful

**Chapter Four: Unfaithful**

* * *

"Mrs. Jackson", Principal O' Ryan stated sitting across from her.

"Principal O' Ryan", Adrian responded, slightly playfully.

"Well, it's nice to see you again. Just not under these circumstances", he said, smiling.

"Which one is it, this time", Adrian asked. This was the 10th time she was in the Principal's office this year. Her boys – while extremely intelligent – were very hyperactive and somewhat temperamental.

"Tyler."

"Tyler", Adrian exclaimed.

"He gets in fights with the other students, he bites the teachers and …"

"And?"

"We just have multiple complaints of him being overall destructive."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Mommy, mommy", she saw Tyler run up to her. "Look at what I drew."

"Aw, it looks beautiful, baby", Adrian replied getting Junior within his car-seat.

"But you weren't even looking", the boy yelled.

"I see", Adrian turned her attention towards Tyler's drawing of a raccoon. "It looks wonderful."

Adrian loved her family – yes, even Omar, if only for giving her boys. But she was neck-deep in stress. And no one understood. She often felt like a single mother, and she was often in need of help.

Looking at the pictures of her sons and the Medals Adrian couldn't have felt more proud.

Leo had inherited Omar's dark-brown eyes, black kinky hair, with a medium brown complexion, but other than that he looked almost identical to her. Junior was almost a replica of Omar, with the exception of his lighter skin, tight curly hair texture and hazel eyes. That was one of the reasons why they named him after Omar, besides the fact that Omar couldn't bare it that his eldest son was named after the father of her ex-husband. Besides Junior, all of her sons looked like her. Travis and Tyler more than Leo. She often saw Omar search to find himself in them, to no suffice. Travis had her light brown skin tone, wavy dark-brown hair and hazel eyes, but his facial features looked nothing like neither Adrian nor Omar. Some would comment that he looked like her mother Cindy, whenever their families were together. Like Leo, Tyler had her eyes, nose and mouth, and yet he had loose curls, light brown hair, green eyes, and olive skin. Adrian explained it to Omar as a result of Cindy's genetic contribution.

Looking at pictures of herself in High School had brought on an overwhelming feeling of sadness. She was happy back then, much more than she had remembered. Sure Richard Underwood didn't love her, but she actually had friends back then. Grace Bowman and Benjamin Boykewich were her friends. Thinking about him had brought on a deep feeling of pain and regret.

Taking out a book to read, Adrian compared the face of the man on the cover with that of boy in the blue shirt.

"_Thanks for driving me to the Hospital", Adrian said, holding a small straight-haired, olive-complected baby boy in her arms. _

"_It was the least I could do with Omar being away and all", Ben said forcing a smile. "He's beautiful."_

"_Isn't he", Adrian laughed._

"_He kind of looks like Mercy, doesn't he?"_

_Adrian frowned at the mention of her daughter's name. "Well, kind of actually."_

"_Yeah, except her hair was brown and her eyes were blue", Ben sighed. "I always wondered if you never kicked me out that time, if we had another baby what it'd look like. If she'd look like me or you."_

"_Yeah, I wondered that too", she said, looking up at him. _

"_I always imagined us having a girl and we did", he said, smiling._

_For a few minutes there was silence._

"_Do you want to hold him", she questioned._

"_Yeah. I would", Ben exclaimed, nervously. _

_Adrian gently placed the newborn into Ben's hands._

"_He's so tiny", Ben said, in awe. _

_Adrian smiled at him._

"_What do you want to name him", Ben quizzed._

"_I never really thought of any names", Adrian frowned. "I was just worried if he'd be born healthy."_

"_Well it's not too late", Ben said giving the baby to a nurse that had come to take him._

"_Leo."_

"_Leo?"_

"_Well, he's done a lot of things for me … and he's your dad", Adrian responded. _

"_Yeah, but I'm not the father this time", Ben looked down. "Wouldn't Omar get upset?"_

"_Omar's not here. He decided Business in California is a lot more important than being with me and our unborn child in my last month of the pregnancy", Adrian said angrily, grimacing. "Besides, you're here", Adrian said softly, playing with his hair. "Thank you for being here. Thank you for telling me about Amy and Omar. Thank you for allowing me to live with you for the past few months, while Omar and I are separated."_

"_There's no need to say 'Thank you'. I'll always be there for you", he said smiing back at her._

Unbeknownst to Omar or anyone else, Adrian had bought all of Ben's books over the past few years.

"Award-Winning Journalist and Best-Selling Author Benjamin Boykewich takes us into his past to reveal how he became the man we know today. A journey of self-discovery that details the beauty of life, the teenage allure of sex and love, the tragedy of death, the sting of heart-break, and the overcoming addiction and Mental Illness. With the suspense of a Soap-Opera, but appeal of a Dark-Comedy, and pages filled with Predators and Victims alike all with secrets and lies of their own, 'Fast Times At Grant High' is a must-read for all those young and old", Adrian read aloud to herself, shaking her head, as she looked at the book which featured a raven-haired, olive-skinned man in a Business suit on the front-cover.

_Fast Times At Grant High: Life, Love, Death &amp; Mental Illness_ was a #1 New York Times Best-Seller. Looking at the cover of the book, Adrian couldn't help but smile. He was beautiful. He was always beautiful. Why couldn't she see that before?

* * *

"_They say love is blind, but it really isn't", Ben stated sourly. "If it was then the disabled could easily find love. The blind could easily find love. Being in love is a choice, whether you want to admit it or not. The reason why you say you're not in love with me, has nothing to do with our friendship and everything to do with the fact that you never found me physically attractive at all. I get it. I always knew it. I'm the guy you can use to get back at some other guy. I'm the guy you can go through a shot-gun marriage with. I'm the guy that you want talking to you and comforting you about what some assholes did. I'm the guy good enough to fuck when those assholes treat you like shit. But I'm not the guy handsome or buff enough for you to seriously want to spend your life with. Just admit it. Love is more than just the physical, even you can't see that."_

"_Ben, it's not that –"_

"_Then why did you fall in love with Ricky? You know the guy who broke the arm of the child that for some twisted the reason the Universe gave to him."_

"_OK, at one point I was stupid and I actually thought I was in love with Ricky because I was just attracted to the way he looked, and never to look at who he was, but that has nothing to do with –"_

"_Why did start dating Omar right after you kicked me out the Condo for Ricky?"_

_Adrian couldn't really answer._

"_I thought so", Ben stated before walking away._

"_Ben, it's not like that!"_

"_Then why are you married to him when we both know you have feelings for me?"_

"_What do you want me to do? Divorce him?"_

"_Yes", Ben nodded, nonchantly._

"_Well I can't do that. I'm not going to be divorced twice before my twentieth birthday."_

"_We had sex the day before you got back together with Omar and I got back together with Amy. We kissed when I was with Amy. That doesn't say anything to you?"_

"_You're an alcoholic", she blurted out. "We can't get married and raise a family if you're drinking." _

_Ben became silent. "Who told you that?"_

"_You were drunk half of the time I was living with you when I separated from Omar."_

_Ben looked away ashamed. "So you're saying that Omar would make a better father for any children you wish to have?"_

"_If that's what you're doing", she responded. _

_Ben shook his head, pulling her forward by her back. "A baby doesn't mean you should be with someone. We learned that. Amy and Ricky learned that. You're parents learned that."_

"_I know", she whispered, looking away._

"_Then why can't we be together", he asked. "Things will be different now."_

_She didn't respond. At first she tried to push him away when he kissed her. At first. Kissing passionately, first they lost their shirts. Then their pants. And eventually their underwear._

"_We can just do this", Adrian said, looking up at Ben._

"_Do what", Ben asked. _

"_Be together", Adrian responded, smiling at him._

"_You just told me you didn't want to be with me", Ben replied confused._

"_We don't have to have a ring to be together, Ben", Adrian said, sitting upward._

"_Look even though Omar was with Amy, I don't feel that would be right for us to just sneak around", Ben replied._

"_This has nothing to do with Omar and me. This has to do with you and me, and the fact that I do have feelings for you."_

"_I get it. Friends-with-benefits", Ben rolled his eyes. "I'm tired of being 'friends'! Is that all I'm ever going to be to you? I want more."_

"_Alright we can go out at times", Adrian added, laughing._

_Ben rolled his eyes. He failed to see any humor in the situation. "Adrian, I don't want to share you!"_

"_Omar's mostly away because of his job", Adrian stated. "We hardly ever see each other and when we do … it's not the best."_

"_So what are you saying? I fuck you on Monday through Friday, while Omar takes over for the Weekends and Holidays?"_

"_Omar has other girls he sees when he's away, and we have an agreement, that as long as he doesn't get any of them pregnant, it's fine!"_

"_What?"_

"_It's an open-marriage on his end."_

"_And on yours?"_

"_It's not like he'll ever know."_

"_You're crazy!"_

"_Well we already cheated. Just give it some thought."_

* * *

_Opening the door using a spare key, Ben kissed her. _

"_Wow", she smiled._

"_Yeah", Ben smiled back._

"_So, does this mean you've taken me up on my offer?"_

"_I guess so. I mean, I'd rather that then nothing at all", Ben frowned. "I love you."_

_Adrian frowned, at his use of the word "love". Adrian kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth. "Look I'll just put Leo to sleep, and you can wait for me in there."_

"_Yeah, sure", Ben frowned._

"_If you want it to be more than just this situation we have going on, then get sober and I'll leave him", she said. "But right now, you have no money and you don't have the best habits for a husband or a father."_

"_I don't want to be just some guy you see on the side."_

"_When you get off of that stuff, then we could be together", she said, attempting to kiss him._

"_It's not that easy to stop", he said, stopping her. "I've tried."_

"_Can't you just stop drinking", she asked, attempting to kiss him again._

"_Withdrawal is a bitch", Ben said shaking his head, stopping her for a second time. "Besides I didn't only come over here for that. I just wanted to be with you. Maybe we can go see a movie."_

"_Okay", Adrian responded, nodding. "I'll just get the baby ready and I'll wash up and get my coat."_

* * *

She didn't know if she believed his words then. Maybe Ben was just freaking-out after the loss of his father. Maybe Ben was just suffering from the heart-break of Amy cheating on him. Maybe Ben was just suffering from the side-effects of the drugs and that was the true reason he believed he was in love with her. Now was the time to find out.

"_Alicia, Hendy and I roamed the Hallways enthusiastically waiting our new adventure. I was observing my surroundings when my eyes caught on to something even more interesting than the swarm of nervous Freshmen and the flicking of fluorescent lighting – a light brown, curvy, curly-haired, Brunette, Majorette. Angela was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Nor could I stop this weird intense feeling I had had never known before when I stared at the boy next to her. The consuming feelings of disgust and envy would almost forever intertwine when I thought about the dark-haired, olive-skinned, Roman-faced, Rico. Even after Angela left he stayed their trying to seduce the young blonde that had always previously been the main character in almost every erotic boyhood fantasy I had about a girl – Gretchen Brown. He was the object of not only Angela's lust, desire, and infatuation, but was working his way to becoming that for Gretchen as well. _

'_I hate that guy. I hate him. Look at him. Now he's hitting on her', I remember telling my best friends._

_This guy was player, a con man and a master manipulator and yet I almost wanted to be like him if only so that I too could attract the affection of girls that had always been unavailable to me as a skinny, awkward, nerdy former Brace-Face. From that moment onwards until the ending of my High School years Rico would always serve as a constant reminder to myself that I was a nobody."_

The words fit to her and Ricky perfectly. She was a curvy, light brown, curly-haired Brunette, Majorette. Ricky was a Roman-faced, womanizer.

_Honestly, as embarrassing and disturbing it is to admit this, Amanda Johnson was never a girl I would have chosen to talk to had it not been for my utter lack of belief that I could ever attract a 'Gretchen Brown' or an 'Angela Lopez'. Amanda Gretchen was a non-threatening, nerdy girl much like myself. This was someone I was sure would have to go out with me, if nothing more than for the reason if not me than who else? I made my way towards her, and embarrassingly uttered out words too humiliating to type. Like any sane girl would Amanda walked right pass me. I felt insulted but my interest and curiosity about this girl had been aroused. Rejection is a bummer, but for me at that age it was almost like a challenge. _

"Amanda Johnson had to have been Amy Juergens", Adrian blurted out aloud.

Taking a picture of Travis, she compared it to a picture of Ben. It almost sent shivers down her spine to see the resemblance.

"What are you doing", a voice questioned.

Adrian looked up and there was Omar, with an eyebrow raised, before her.

"I was just looking over some things", Adrian responded.

Omar grabbed one of the books from her and turned it so that it was facing him.

"You could never just get over this motherfucker, could you", Omar said, his face filled with rage. But instead of destroying the book, like she thought he would do, he just threw it on the floor before leaving with an unrecognizable, sad expression on his face.

Adrian ran to the door and closed it breathing heavily in fear.

* * *

**A/N: _I'm Back!_**

**_This chapter was done on the thought that as much as I love Ben/Adrian, I the show continued I do believe that it would be in-character of Adrian to continue to unintentionally and selfishly hurt him. I do believe Ben loved Adrian, very much though, and I wanted to show that here._**


	5. Chapter Four: Even Now

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I'm going through a lot, currently, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to finish my "Secret Life" fanfics.**

* * *

"Breakfast is served", Ben said, smiling, carrying a tray of food, over to the bed he and Micah shared.

"Thanks, baby", she said, giving him a peck on the lips as he sat on the bed beside her.

"No need to thank me", Ben responded. "I'm boyfriend. It's my job to be your humble slave."

Micah gently swatted Ben, playfully, "You're the best boyfriend there is."

Ben smiled, "And you're the best girlfriend there is."

"So much so that you'd make me your wife", Micah asked playfully, attempting to mask her seriousness.

"I told you about that", he began.

Micah rolled her eyes.

"Marriage is just a certificate from the government. It doesn't mean anything", Ben continued. "Our love for each other is more valuable than just some stupid certificate. It's enteral."

"This coming from the man that got married twice as a teenager", Micah responded.

"That's exactly why I'm saying what I'm saying", Ben responded. "Adrian and I got married, and what did that mean to her? Nothing. Her marriage to Omar also means nothing to her, but that's a different story. _As far as Amy … well that was stupid and ridiculous, and it wasn't even real._"

"Point is you did it", Micah said, her tone getting serious. "You were willing to give your last name to a woman who even you claim cared nothing about you, but not me."

"I was doing the right thing", Ben explained.

"And marrying me, doesn't feel right", Micah questioned.

"Being with you is the most right I've ever felt, it's just that", Ben paused.

"I'm listening", Micah said, folding her arms.

"It's just that I'm not ready to get back into the whole marriage and babies thing", Ben commented. "Doesn't it feel freeing to not be tied down and with a zillion kids running around everywhere. We can go out whenever we want to. We can sleep in whenever we want to. We can –"

"I'm pregnant", Micah blurted out.

"_What?_ How could this have happened?"

"_Oh, gee. I never knew we could be so happy_", Micah said, sarcastically, setting aside the tray and getting up.

"I'm happy! I really am", Ben said admandently.

"Really", Micah replied, sarcastically.

"I am, it's just that –"

"I'm not really pregnant, Ben", Micah admitted frowning. "But it's nice to see how you'd react."

"Micah, I reacted that way because I got a Vasectomy", Ben blurted out. "I got a Vasectomy five years ago when I was in New York before I came back to Italy."

"Why would you do that", she asked, with her hand on her hips. "You don't want children with me?"

"I do. But I wanted to make sure I had everything in order then", Ben stated. "That we were set financially and everything else."

"Really?"

"Yes, really", Ben replied, insulted that she would question his wanting of a future with her. "I saved several collections of sperm at the sperm bank, for when I would want to have a kid in the future."

"And you did this without telling me _because_ …"

"You wouldn't understand", Ben responded.

"That's funny", Micah responded. "I understand everything else, yet this one thing I wouldn't understand."

"I had a child at a time in my life when I was just a child myself. I wasn't ready. I love my daughter. I wish she had survived, but she didn't. And I just wanted to be ready this time", Ben said before exhaling. "And I just … I just …"

"What?"

"I just have a lot of fear", Ben said, looking away from her and inside out side of their bedroom window.

"You're afraid of what", Micah asked puzzled. "You've travelled all around the world – both with and without me – to even War-Torn countries, for your documentaries. What could you be afraid of with this?"

"I'm afraid of that something is wrong with me", Ben said, looking into her eyes with red, tear-drenched ones. Ben _never_ cried. She knew this serious.

"What are you afraid is wrong with you", she said, looking at him.

"I'm afraid that there is something wrong with me, and that's why Mercy died", Ben said with tears dripping down his face. "Adrian has four sons. Why would our daughter die, if it isn't my fault?"

Micha wrapped her arms around Ben, and kiss his face. "It's not you. It just what happened. No one is responsible."

"The doctors told us that they didn't know why it happened", Ben cried, his voice shaking.

"Ben you want children, but you're just afraid that if we try they might die", she asked, still holding him.

Breathing and calming himself down he added, "Pretty stupid, huh?"

"It's not stupid", she responded. "It's perfectly reasonable, considering everything that you've been through."

There was a silence throughout the room for several minutes.

"But Ben I want to get married _to you_ and I want children _with you_", Micah stated. "But if you don't want to get married to me nor do you want kids with me, what do you expect me to do?"

Ben nodded. "So you're telling me, it's over unless I propose to you?"

Micah was silent, before getting up and walking towards the bedroom door. Turning around she added, "Thanks for the breakfast."

Ben sat back and thought of the real reason of why it had been so hard for him to commit to Micah.

* * *

**_How long should I wait before I let you go?_**

**Ben remembers befriending, talking to, and losing his virginity to Adrian.**

**_How long should I decide?_**

**Ben remembers proposing and marrying Adrian.**

**_Whose side should I take  
When both of us were wrong?_**

**_When we both share the blame_**

**Ben remembers Adrian's aggressive behavior towards him after Mercy died, their fight in the nursery, and Adrian telling him that she wants to be with Ricky instead of him.**

**_Oh but I love you even still even now  
Even though we fell apart  
Even still even now  
But I hope we'll meet again_**

**Ben remembers telling the therapist he wanted to stay married, dancing with Adrian, and making love to Adrian the day before graduation.**

_**Whose eyes will you look in**_  
_**When love is in your heart?**_

**"****I love you Adrian, and no one else! I don't want you to get married. Don't marry that guy. You're making a big mistake! You can't do this! You just can't!"**

**Adrian looked at him confused at first, but then heart-broken. "I am Ben. I love Omar."**

**"****You don't!"**

**Adrian walked further and further away from him.**

**_Whose hand will hold your ring?_**

**"****I do", Adrian said, looking at Ben.**

**Ben watched as Omar kissed Adrian. Their marriage official.**

**_Whose voice will serenade  
To help your baby sleep?  
To make it all okay_**

**"****It's OK, little guy", Omar tried comforting baby Leo. Singing to him, his eyes closed. "It's like I got the magic touch."**

**Ben watched jealously, as Adrian, Omar, and Leo appeared to be the perfect family … with him just 'the side guy' … the ex-husband but never the main boyfriend.**

**_Oh but I love you  
Even still even now  
Even though we fell apart_**

**In a Black Tuxedo and Adrian in a silky Blue dress, Ben knelled down on one knee, and took out the engagement ring his father gave his mother Sarah. Adrian's jaw dropped in astonishment. She new where this was headed. "It's my mother's wedding ring", he said giggling, grasping her hand in his.**

**"****Ben", Adrian looked into his eyes, flabbergasted.**

**"****The years I spent with you were some of the most painful – and yet the happiest, most insightful – parts of my life. I love you Adrian. You're a Queen. Let me be your King. I know I wanted to be your Knight In Shining Amor. But it's not about that anymore. Throughout these past few years since I really got to know you – I have seen the good, the bad, and the crazy – I still think you're the beautiful, smart, awe-inspiring, fun, full of life woman I did when I left for Italy. I loved you in Los Angeles. I loved you in New York City. And despite me denying it and runing half-way around the world to prove to you, and everyone else but mostly myself that I don't love you I still love you after returning from Italy. You are the woman I love. The only woman I will ever love."**

**_Even still even now  
And I hope we'll meet again  
Even still even now  
Even though we fell apart  
Even still even now  
And I hope you'll be okay_**

**Ben found himself looking at his mother's wedding ring. "It's time to forget about her. It's time to ****_really_**** move on."**

* * *

**Song: "Even Now" By William Fitzsimmons**


End file.
